First
by Mariel Nightstalker
Summary: Hermione and Millicent comfort each other after mutual heart break. FEMSLASH Millicent Bulstrode/Hermione Granger


**First**

Luna and Nott were flirting in the courtyard garden. Hermione could see her smile in the dark of the court like the smile of the Cheshire cat. She felt uncomfortable watching them, knowing that it was wrong somehow. But she couldn't tear herself away.

It had been uncomfortable adjustment to discover that she was a lesbian. She still didn't know why it had taken her so long to realize what her feelings meant. At first she tried to rationalize, telling herself that her late bloom of homosexuality was due to too much fixation on her work and not enough on her personal life. But that wasn't quite true. She had always known that she was different somehow. She was frightened of the thought. She was already so different. Her acceptance into society was tenuous, so much so that she didn't dare think about what secret her psyche might contain.

Luna forced her to take a closer look at herself. She had known Luna for almost ten years now and yet it taken her most of those ten years to realize that she was in love with her. It explained why she felt uncomfortable in her presence for years, why the very sight of Luna could make her feel strange and twisted up inside.

Nott leaned closer and touched Luna's hair, taking one of the long wavy pieces of it and twisting it through his fingers. Jealousy seized her and she turned away, striding back into the restaurant. They were celebrating Lavender and Neville's fifth wedding anniversary, and she remembered that she was supposed to give a toast.

Harry looked relieved to see her and waved to her from his seat. She made her way through the crush of old friends from school and work acquaintances to stand beside him. He leaned close shouted to be heard over the music that they were going to give toasts in about five minutes, and asked if she would like to go first. She smiled and nodded, not bothering to try and shout over the music. Seamus was in charge of the music, and he was never one to do things by halves.

She resolved to do her best to forget about what was going on in that courtyard; she found a free seat and sat down. With her chin in her hand, she started thinking about what she would say.

The speech must have been good, because she was given an enthusiastic round of applause before she took her seat. She smiled leaned over to kiss Neville and Lavender on the cheeks. Luna and Theodore Nott came sidling in a few minutes later, and Luna's lipstick was gone. Hermione felt sick. Suddenly, even with the music turned down almost to nothing and everyone sitting in their respective seats, she felt like she was being suffocated with noise and people. She felt like she was going to throw up and cry at the same time. While Harry was giving his speech, she quietly slipped out. Parvati, standing by the door, asked her if she was okay. Hermione wondered how much of her inner pain was showing on her outside, and grimaced.

"Menstrual cramps," she lied. Parvati made a moue of sympathy and asked if she wanted any pain killers.

"I've got some, thanks. I'm just going to do lie down on the sofa in the ladies' room."

"Okay."

In the bathroom she went first to the sink to wash her hands and face. When she finished, she looked in the mirror. She looked horrible.

She locked herself in a stall and started to cry. They weren't pretty tears, but rather the silent heaving type that made her feel like her throat was being peeled from the inside while she was being strangled. She pressed her palm over her mouth and bent forward to put her face between her knees, trying to breathe through them. She rarely cried, but when she did, it hurt like nothing else.

The door opened with a rush of music and laughter, and someone came clattering inside. From her bent position, Hermione could see that the person wore pretty silver kitten heels with little gold metallic bows on the front. Around the left ankle was a delicate anklet made out of tiny pink and green beads strung on a gold chain. They were Luna's feet.

She was humming as she stood by the sink. Hermione heard the sound of a lipstick tube being uncapped and then capped again after a moment of silence. Luna blotted her lipstick, did something with her handbag (Hermione could hear its chain rattle), and then left as suddenly as she'd come.

There was a whiff of her perfume, and then nothing.

Hermione let out a sob. It was completely hopeless. Luna was very straight, and there was no chance that she returned Hermione's feelings. But Hermione would give everything she had just to hear Luna tell her that she loved her, even if it was without sincerity.

The door opened again. The shoes were masculine and worn with tailored trousers. She frowned. What drunken asshole was trying to use the women's loo? Swallowing hard, she hoped that her voice would sound alright and then scolded,

"Hey! This is the ladies' room!"

"I know." The voice that responded was annoyed and distinctly female, though a few octaves lower than was usual. "I'm a fucking lady, so I can use the fucking ladies' room, thank you very much!"

"Sorry," Hermione hastened to apologize, "I only saw your feet and thought it was some lost idiot."

The other woman laughed and entered the stall next to hers. "It's alright. Sorry I snapped at you like that; I'm just having a hell of a night."

Hermione scrubbed her eyes against the sleeve of her silk dress. "Yeah? Well, me too."

"What happened to you?"

Hermione snorted, "No way, you first."

"I found out that my girlfriend of two years has been fucking our neighbor, who is, guess what, a bloke. So my self-esteem is kind of smashed, and I want to go kill both of them. I mean, if you like men, don't date women!"

Hermione gave a sniffling giggle, "I think yours is worse than mine."

The woman stood and there was a jingling sound as she fastened her belt. "That had better not be a cop-out. I told you mine, now you have to tell me yours."

There was the sound of water running and then the woman grabbed a paper towel to dry her hands. She tapped her foot. "Hey, I'm waiting. I'm not leaving until you tell me."

When Hermione still didn't speak, silenced by shyness, the woman came closer and leaned against the stall door.

"Come on, it will feel better to let it out. Besides, who am I going to tell, if that's what you're worried about? I don't know who you are, and you don't know who I am."

Hermione tried to speak, couldn't, cleared her throat, and tried again. "We're not that different. I've been in love with this woman for years, and she's hopelessly straight. I know we don't have a future together, and usually I am okay with that, but tonight I saw her with somebody else and it just…it just got to me is all."

The woman made a sympathetic sound, "That sounds hard, sweetheart."

"Yeah," Hermione sighed. But the woman was right. She did feel much better now that she had said it out loud. She had never confessed her homosexuality to anyone, much less her feelings for Luna. But tonight she had done both, and it felt pretty damn good.

"Hey…this might be kind of out of line, but do you want to get out of here?"

Hermione straightened. "I don't know; where would we go?"

"Somewhere quieter where we can see if we can drown our troubles in a glass of the liquor of your choice."

She smiled. That sounded wonderful. She stood and was about to unlock the stall when she realized what she must look like. She smoothed her dress and wiped away the last of her tears, patting her hair to see if any of it had escaped the millions of pins holding it in its chignon. It felt intact.

She unlocked the stall. The woman on the other side seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn't remember where she had seen her before. She was convinced that she would have remembered a woman like this. Decidedly butch, she stood at near two meters height. She wore a man's shirt, trousers, and waistcoat. The sleeves of the shirt were rolled up and she held a suit jacket. On her wrist was an expensive watch.

The woman evidently recognized Hermione. Her eyebrows went up and she gaped.

"Hermione Granger? You're gay?"

Hermione brushed past her to the sink and began to fix her make-up. With her back turned, she found the courage to say, "Please don't tell anyone. I'm not…I'm not ready for people to know that about me."

The woman mimed locking her mouth and throwing away the key. "You have nothing to fear from me. But damn, I wish I knew that earlier! I won't hit on you or anything, but I had a huge crush on your at Hogwarts. You were the girl that made me realize I was gay."

Hermione blushed. She had no idea how to respond to that, and now she really wished she knew who this woman was. "Really?"

The woman approached to lean against the sink beside her, smiling. "Are you kidding me? I used to want to marry you!"

Hermione smiled at her, "Aw, that's sweet. What House were you in? Were we in any of the same activities?"

The eyebrows went up, "You seriously don't recognize me?"

"No, I'm sorry. Those were very confusing times, and I don't remember much about my classmates. Were you in Ravenclaw? You look like a Ravenclaw."

"Close; I was a Slytherin. Does that help?"

Hermione stared. Now she recognized her; it was Millicent Bulstrode, the girl who put her in a headlock during second year. She remembered that because, at the time, she honestly believed that Bulstrode was going to kill her.

"Remember me now?"

"You…_you _had a crush on me?"

Millicent snorted and looked away and then back. "I guess I had a funny way of showing it. Sorry about pulling your hair in potions."

"That was you?" She remembered that someone would pull her hair without warning in potions during her third and fourth years, and that she could never quite work out who it was. She never once suspected that it was Bulstrode. She had thought it was Ron!

"Yeah; but you can't blame me. You had amazing hair. I mean, I'm sure it's still amazing, but right now it's on top of your head so I can't tell."

Hermione laughed. "Wow! I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that you fancied me. Never in a million years would I have thought that you had a thing for me. I think I need to buy you a drink."

"Only if you let me buy you one too," Millicent winked. "Come on, let's leave before my ex comes looking for me."

Millicent took them to the nearest bar, which happened to be at a Hilton. This turned out to be quite convenient, because after three cocktails and one small bowl of pistachios, Hermione found herself propositioning Millicent. Equally tipsy, Millicent argued Hermione into letting her pay for the room.

Once inside, Millicent asked her if this was her first time as she pressed kisses to the back of her neck, fumbling with the long zipper of Hermione's gown. Hermione lied and said no. One of Millicent's long-fingered hands was already delicately squeezing and stroking her breast as she pushed the dress down and off of Hermione's shoulders. The sensation was intoxicating. Hermione felt hyper-sensitive, all too aware that the last time she had had sex was over three years ago, and with a man. She had been making a last-ditch effort to be heterosexual, and needless to say it was not an enjoyable experiment.

She felt none of the creeping dislike she had with that man. She felt only eager to touch and be touched.

It was four in the morning when she awoke to pain in her head and a surprising ache inside of her. She flushed when she remembered why. Millicent was still asleep beside her, lying on her stomach with one arm beneath the pillow. Hermione carefully got out of bed for a drink of water and a pee. When she had attended to that, she hunted around in the pile of discarded clothing for her slip. Donning it, she returned to the bathroom.

She washed her face and brushed her teeth with the little toiletry kit provided by the hotel. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, half up and half down with pins sticking out everywhere. Her lips looked swollen, and a peek down the front of her slip revealed a tender pink bite on her left breast. She grinned at herself and then hurried back to bed, lest Millicent wake and found her gone.

~000~

End First


End file.
